Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Deck The Halls (with Daddy's Folly)

Stopped at a cafe in town today, and since I've known it's proprietor for ten years, sat down (bad idea, I was tired and I felt even more so, once sitting) and chatted with her and a mutual friend of hers and mine, and the friends daughter.  The proprietor and her friend were decorating the Christmas tree with what looked to be 1000 ornaments encircled by neon signs of christmas lights.  It was very Vegas, very bright.

Anyhow, most of what they were saying had to do with Christmas Tree strategy, so I looked over at the girl, Megan, and said, "say Megan, why aren't you helping them?"

Megan was staring deep into the eyes of the Universal Teenage Phone Thingy, and was kind enough to raise her eyebrows in salute.  "I'm talking to Chris," she said.

"And Chris is your great uncle, from Peduka?" I asked her.

Funny snorting sounds erupted from behind a star on top of the Christmas tree, with a hand wiggling it into a semblance of uprightness.

"No..." said Megan, looking away from the UTPT and up to the tin ceiling of the cafe, "Chris is my boyfriend in Atlanta... and Mom, he has the money next week."

I had no idea what that meant.  Mom said, "well, your going to use it wisely, not foolishly, huh?"

"Oh, of course!" said the fifteen year old.  I raised my eyebrows this time.

"None of my business, of course," I said, "but what money, from where.  Is he a crack dealer  or something?"

More snorts from the approximate position of a tinfoil jacketed gingerbread man.

"Of course not," she shrieked in mock teenage alarm, while texting on some awful subject.  "His father died and left him money, which he will be getting next week."

"Your kidding..."

"No," she smiled, looked me in the eye for the first time, and actually dropped her phone to her side, just to think without distraction, on this golden thought.

"So... uh, I'm curious..." I asked her, "outside of his dead fathers money, what exactly does this guy do for you?"

A chorus of, "That's mean, Andy." Came from the Christmas tree.

"It is?" I asked them, turning around. "My fifteen year old friend who won't graduate from high school for three years, has designs on an inheiritence owed to a boy her age, by his DEAD father, and I'm mean for wondering why the money is even a conversation piece by a mere love interest.  I'm mean?  What does this money have to do with anything even possibly good. My God, she's fifteen."

Everyone just looked at Scrooge.  "Sorry I'm being mean," I told Megan, "'cus, I guess the real truth is that you really love this guy, huh?"

"Oh yes," said, Megan, "and you weren't too mean, I can't understand what your saying anyhow."

"Well, it's hard for everyone to text and think," I said, "and besides, I am definitely a boring guy."

She read the remaining sentence in her UTPT, and sort of startled when she realized I had stopped talking.  "Why do you say... you say you're definitely a boring guy?  Why?"

"Well isn't it obvious," I explained, "my Dad's alive and well."

The Christmas tree fell over...


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

oh man. i laughed my ass off when reading this. you are a funny man andy. like no one else.
about star wars. we need a missile defense system but America deserves a functioning
M.D.S. I was really angry at the democrats for a while, scraping research on missile defense. we need a defense system. however i recognize that the admin have other priorities for now. i hail them for the brave decision to increase troop numbers in afghanistan. however if we get nuked back to the stone age they will regret themselves.

Andy Coffey said...

Well Mule,

Given that I like you as a man, I will thank you for your kindness, and respectfully hide my rather leftist notions (informed to my pea brain by my armchair version of science.)

I'd like us all to be safe: how's that for accord, between friends?

Thanks for reading me. I hope this sees you well.

Anonymous said...

i'm only kidding! you're a fin man, with sound views, i think. i meant i loved the star wars movies. i have identified myself with darth wader half my life. when reading your answer i just had to see how you would react. sorry, i was drinking whisky and soda in a bad joking mode.
i took it out on you, it could have been anyone unfortunate enough to be "near by". an old man's bad sense of humor. andy, i'm a bastard sometimes.
actually i couldn't care less about M.D.S. it has been one of the costliest failures ever by an republican government. one main indicator the republicans were loosen it.

Andy Coffey said...


I am merely a man. You've no need to apologize. As you may have read, I took Ande and Jenny's country as being so stupid as to enact the fears of the Swiss. Ande kindly let me off the hook. But there I remain. We make assumptions, Mule. Whether correct or not, we need love.
Mule, I care about you, whatever your views. I have a few, unusual ones of my own.
You're a friend.... nothing more or less.
Thank you.

Harlequin said...

this was good, yes indeed; and the timing was exquisite...