Sunday, June 14, 2009

Probably Not A Dinner Time Conversation

If you only believe what you actually do is the measure of your character, sometimes, to say the least, you have little evidence of your character. I do a bit from time to time that gives me insight into myself, but for the most part I am lost on the subject.

As everyone knows who is older than twenty three, people love to use bait and switch emotional and behavioral incentives to control you. I'll never forget one of my favorite bosses over the years getting really frustrated with me for being extremely neutral on her effusive compliments. Apparently I had all kinds of "problems with being complimented." Well... anybody who's every loved more than one person in this world eventually realizes that accepting compliments from friends and family is an obligation as well as a sometime pleasure. You are a bit of a jerk when you're the only one giving them out. So, isn't that demonstrative of the role compliments play in the construction of authority? I thought so. So, when a boss, for crying out loud, thought it was important to compliment me every single day effusively, I knew she was exercising her insecurities. I have no obligation to help her with that. My carpentry mentor, Ron, once said to me after I said the word "sorry"------ "You need to do something about that." I didn't have the authority to tell my boss that, and had she really wanted to compliment me, she should have had such authority on offer. I never perform anything well for anyone at all. Not even myself. Any fool can figure out that you are obligated to do the right thing at all times. The illusion of choice is the screwed up thing, and it is spread by most of us, screwed up people, one and all. Good job.

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